ENTRY LXXV | Bye? 

So, who’s been listening to gnash’s i hate u, i love you? Me.

Today has been emotionally and physically draining.

Didn’t think I’d actually break down. 

I cried my heart out when we sent Gelai off. Seeing someone graduate, it felt fulfilling and sad. We’ve only been workmates for a year but I got attached like a normal human being. 

Silly, I think it’s your fault. I’ve learned how to miss someone… ever since you came. Now, I know how to feel sad when someone leaves. I care more than necessary when, in fact, I didn’t understand this kind of emotion before.

They teased me saying I actually was weeping for you, quite true but no. I will really miss our happy pill, Gelai.

Remember when you suddenly appeared like you always did? You were smiling. Oh, I’m gonna miss that. You noticed my new haircut. I noticed you were with your girl as expected. Ouch. She wouldn’t show her face though. 

I was looking for you but I couldn’t see you and so I continued walking to the fountain. After drinking, I saw you as I turned around. Didn’t know you were behind me. Why do you always do that? Why won’t you appear so easily when I’m looking for you but always do when I least expect it? I congratulated you and you smiled back… that smile, I had to pretend it didn’t affect me at all, afraid that someone might notice. Afraid that I get caught up with my messed up feelings. 

I never said good bye to you today, wishing we’d see each other again for some better reason. I know I’d still see you around like once in a while. But I just wish, when that time comes, it’s either you and me or me having moved on. 
Today, you posted twice on IG Story, not that it was relevant at all whether you did or not. It’s just that on your post, it was you with the name tag I put in your gift on your wall. 

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