ENTRY LXVIII | TOO MUCH

So, this has been one freaking day. I swear I could already walk around the school eyes closed considering the number of times I’ve had walked back and forth just today while barely eating anything. It was dinner time when I actually had a decent meal, the first and last for today. Imagine that while I struggled the whole day but yeah, it was fun. It was fulfilling to take part, to actually be part, of something big.

So you came when it was almost over. I like you. I know you had things but you came when things were almost over. Lol. I’m not ranting. I just wanted to clear that. Or, maybe you had other stuff to do but ugh. Yeah. Besides the fact that I like you damn much and I miss you so bad, we badly needed every hand we could have asked earlier for help but you were missing. The other officers were also missing. What a day.

I couldn’t forget that moment. It was vague and things went so fast. The day was almost over. It was the last program handled by the student council. It was during the picture taking part. I wasn’t supposed to be included in that picture, even you. I don’t remember what I was doing anymore when JG kept on calling my name to join the picture with the guest artists. I didn’t want. They had to call me several times. I was never shy when it comes to joining pictures and stuff but I was tired. I wanted to sit quietly and peacefully but they were able to persuade me in the end anyway. So I stood beside JG hurriedly. Then, you were looking with the eyes wanting to join in as well. I called you out, okay, let me clear things out: I didn’t call you out to have a picture taken with you beside me. I didn’t expect you’d be right next to me although that was the most obvious thing that time. They also called you anyway. Sighs. You’re such an extra. I couldn’t remember how close you were not until I saw the picture itself, thanks to my friends. They individually sent the picture to me on Messenger cropped, having only you and me. I didn’t know we were that close. I didn’t know or maybe it was all about how the picture was taken. Talk about angles.

So, I don’t know anymore. It was only the two of you when I came in the office. I wanted to step back and turn around but I was in a rush I couldn’t turn back anymore. Also, I had a duty to do. I had to pick up the food for the crew and bring it to them. Maybe it was just me but you guys silenced a bit when I arrived or maybe that was a normal thing. Maybe it was just like that. Maybe I was just overthinking. So yeah. You were about to go out as well when I arrived but you waited. You asked me what I was going to do and I showed you the two plastic bag with the meals for the crew. I could have said no. I could have declined your offer. If you were another person or guy, I could have easily declined and went on myself but I was being naughty. My heart told me I didn’t want you two alone. So I handed it to you as soon as you asked and explained to you to whom it was for and where to bring it. When we arrived there, we were about to go the gymnasium for the fashion show but I couldn’t take it anymore. The angel side of me suddenly kicked in. I wanted to give her, her own time with you. You’re not mine anyway. I… decided to let go that moment. That moment, my own actions broke my heart. It was going to be dark and I swear it was going to be awkward for my heart. I stopped walking and told you guys to go ahead. You asked several times why and if I needed help or something. I loved how you asked not just once as if you’re actually concerned. I wanted to assume that you didn’t want to leave my side. I wanted to assume… that’s where we get hurt, once we start assuming. Fuck feelings. I saw how you hesitated. That’s you being a gentleman and not you who might actually like me back. It was a simple scenario but it was also that simple for you to make me tear up.

 

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