ENTRY LXIV | WTF

I freaking need to write this down coz I swear the feels are killing me and I’m not even supposed to feel this way.

So, I’ve been waiting for this day. It’s JG’s birthday tomorrow. The thing is she’ll treat us to Yummerz today and You’re invited. 

I drank a couple of glasses even before you came coz I fucking can’t keep calm. The moment you came, as funny as it sounds, Closer played in the background. Imagine the feels I had to contain!

There was a time you asked me, You drunk yet? I shook my head no and said Kaya pa. Then you fucking showed me a bad finger and asked me, Sige nga ano ‘to? And I answered back Fuck you, in a freaking second

You suddenly mentioned about your jacket. And I. Wasn’t. Prepared. For. That. Thank God I was good at answering back asap. I hah-ed you and said, Na sa’yo daw sabi ni JG? I looked at her but she wasn’t looking back. I laughed and said Yeah, nasa locker. The strange thing was even JG told me how she noticed about You not actually forcing to get it. If you knew it was with me, why have you never asked me? Are you just generous? Or just as forgetful as I am. 

I never looked at you first. I swear. Well, maybe once or twice. I’d only look at you by peripheral vision. The thing is I’d only look at you to look back at you when you’re staring. Okay. Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe I was just drunk. I was born funny, hell yeah. I also noticed how you always laughed at me. I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment. Well, anyway. I noticed that but didn’t mention about it coz maybe it was just me who noticed it but my friend who was obviously teasing me called for my name and said, Judith ginagawa ka nang clown ni Your Name. And of course they laughed once again. There I looked at you and yes you were fucking laughing again. All I could do was smile, happy at the thought that I could at least make you smile even for a second. 

We’d always smile at each other. I always smiled especially when I’m in a very good mood. But, I loved smiling at you the most. Times when I felt conscious like someone else was looking at me while I was smiling at you, I’d look around and see my friends smiling at me sheepishly. I hope I didn’t blush. I swear. 

Per would always get the bottles away from me. She was anxious that I was getting drunk already but actually was not. I was nervous at the fact that you’re in front of me. I was anxious to sit still and do nothing. And I didn’t want the occasion to stay quiet. Anyway, you knew I wanted more. So, you got a bottle and poured my glass for me which surprised me. What surprised me more is when JG told me how you exerted effort. You even took your own glass and pretended drinking it  so Per won’t caught me. I put the glass you handed me under the table then so Per won’t get a hint of it. O gad. 

I stood to go to the toilet room when JG told me that you were puking. Out of concern, I went straight to the toilet room and knocked while saying, Uy okay ka lang? Honestly, I did that out of concern. I would do that to anyone I’m with. But they teased me so bad when I told them this story. I can’t breathe. Was I actually flirting? Instead of acting as a concerned citizen I intended to be?

So I puked in front of you. Well, in a calm and not drastic manner. 

As we were sitting in the pavement outside, you were starting to ask about how we’d go home. Usual set up, JG would drop me by the Arch or by my house. I didn’t know what the set up would be earlier so I just stared back at you even the 2nd time you asked. Mag ggrab ka? You asked a million times. And I freaking swear I wasn’t being delusional when I heard you many times saying Ako na bahala kay Judith. Ako na bahala sa kanya. JG later on told you we’d go home together and we invited you to go along with us. 

I insisted to only drop me by the Arch so I could walk home and get sober. But both of you are hard-headed. You and JG walked me home after having us dropped near my place by the GrabCar. Normally, JG would leave as soon as we stepped near my place but you insisted that I go inside before you guys leave. I answered back Kayo na muna. Hintayin ko kayong maabot sa may kanto, tsaka ako papasok. But you still insisted that I go inside before you walk away. Sighs. I hate myself for liking you even better but I also have to understand that maybe you’re just naturally like that. 

Help.

I feel like there are more stuffs I should be typing down but as you know, my memory isn’t really that good at remembering scenes in my life. 

TyL.

;

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