ENTRY LVIII | shook

I am terribly shaken by what has happened these days. I haven’t seen him for ages now. Sadder days have come. Persistent me getting more persistent to pain. Days when I don’t know what to feel anymore. Days when I just want to collapse and let the pain get into me because honestly? I think I’ve grown numb to pain now.

Today, I found out something about you. I won’t reveal it to anyone else, however. I’ll have to keep it to myself forever for your own benefit. I don’t know if it’s me who’s gotten numb or just me thinking what’s gonna be good for you. I had hints before but never did I put malice. Now, I’ve proven how strong a woman’s intuition can be.

I told myself many times today,

Let that fucking sink in.

Feel the pain, numb loser.

But the pain never came, I still thought about you. I knew what I should have felt. I knew that I should have started hating you. I knew that I should have felt and done something different. I told myself many times that this should inspire a new beginning for me, like starting to dislike you and fall out of love, well, if only if I actually fell. 

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