ENTRY LII | how

How to stop feeling something else?

 

I reminded you about what you told me. You said thanks and stuff blahblah. The higher years placed the cake (given by our coordinator) on our table. You stood by my left side and stared at the cake for a second. You looked at me and gave me a meaningful look. I knew you’d do something again. You suddenly moved closer to me, to my left ear and whispered something. I didn’t understand, of course. I’m kinda deaf, so, lol. You backed away a little shaking your head. I went back to what I was doing but you went near again then whispered again.

Hope you didn’t hear my heart beating so loud.

I was excited to hear what you were saying but just got disappointed. You said Mahilig diyan si *insert emeged’s real name. My jaw dropped and I answered back Aanhin ko naman yun?

Then you almost tickled me but I covered myself so you just poked me in my left side giggling. Fyeah. You’re breaking my heart, silly kid.

You wanted to eat the cake and we willingly told you to get some. You shook your head and said you’d wait for someone to have a first move on it. When the higher years came we started eating. They were inviting but you kept on saying no and just shook your head. Like??? Seconds ago you were just inviting yourself. I said, Bumebwelo lang yan coz you really looked that way. After liking you for a month now, I can kinda read your actions by now. When the fourth year walked away for a moment, I called you to eat already. My friends also joined in inviting you. You stood right away. I shook my head laughing Sabi na eh bumebwelo ka lang. You shamelessly started eating like okay. Emeged who was more shameless also started eating with us. When emeged walked away for a while you nudged me and smiled at me sheepishly and said Sabi ko sa’yo eh mahilig siya dyan. You guys massacred the cake. How many times did I remind you that there are still two people who still haven’t got their share of their cake!! But so little was left of the cake. Thanks guys.

 

There was a small event today. I went there to assist with my friends. When the event started we sat in the last row but the host asked us to move forward and so we did. Later on, when the place was almost full (the left side wasn’t really that full, only on my side), you appeared. Like what the hell, you’re one freaking mushroomOne time I looked back then saw you lining up for the registration then our eyes met. I posed a peace sign then straighten up again. Shocked, you sat in front of us. Like okay. But I won’t put malice on that. Your other classmates were also near like two rows in front of us. You kept on silencing us more like teasing us whenever we were talking. My friend who was on period kept on pms-ing, you teased her for being masungit. My friend on my right was kinda feeling sick she laid her head on the back of your seat. I almost felt jealous. Fuck these feelings. I wanted to transfer seats just like far away to stop these stupid feelings of mine. I know I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. But gad, I won’t do that if I were her. I won’t get that close with my friend’s interest in whatever way. I won’t…. but then again, fuck these feelings. It’s so tiring… being a human. If it was another person, I don’t think I’d really mind. Like I don’t really get jealous! But I just feel like… okay stupid woman intuition. I don’t know anymore.

When I wanted to sleep, my friends called you so you’d scold at me for sleeping but I know you won’t. Lol. You’re like a father kaya. Instead, you said, Sige tulog ka na then you pat my head down to sleep. Good boy.

My friend asked a favor for help in distributing the brochures on the other side. I willingly accepted the offer. When I returned, you asked me why I did that. Trip ko lang bat ba, I said. Sabihan mo ko sa susunod, trip ko rin ‘yung ganon eh. Lol.

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