ENTRY XLV | Stupid Brave Girl

How could I act stupid and brave at the same time? I must have totally lost it.

Today, I woke up with no any kind of dream. For the first time, I wasn’t able to dream with you in it, only because I had nothing of any kind of it.

You always look straight at people’s eyes. When I looked at you, you were already looking. You weren’t smiling and so was I. After a couple of seconds, I decided to look away and actually walk far from you. Lol, I even left my friend.

Your friend sat at the table next to us which is, by the way, right behind me. I knew you were about to arrive then I saw you walking to us, I mean to the table behind me. Although I wasn’t planning to do anything else, I decided to go to the canteen and buy one chooga. I wasn’t so fond of grapes flavored drinks but I still bought one. Just so I could excuse myself. When I returned, you were still there sticking your posters on the wall. I couldn’t take it I stood and walked to the locker. I stayed there until I finished my chooga. As I walked back, I peeked and saw you were nowhere near our table anymore. I sighed in relief. However, as I was getting nearer you appeared again on your way to the table. I , again, took a detour and threw my chooga in its rightful place. I walked slowly. We arrived in our seats in almost the same time. You were about to sit… to the chair right behind mine. Back to back. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself sit that moment. Apparently, it was time for my next class, 16:30. Normally, we would go up around 17:00. We never went up on time but this time, everyone shocked, I grabbed my bag and announced the most shocking news: It’s time, akyat na tayo guys, bagong buhay. They wouldn’t believe me. My friends were eyeing me like Sigurado ka? Andyan na o? Iiwas ka pa? I waved my hand and held my books to my chest and started walking away without taking a glance back at anyone. A minute or two, my classmates followed.

I couldn’t help but tear up as I went alone. I was thankful that they didn’t go up with me. Real thankful for being able to let out my tears, the pain. I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to get used to it. I knew something great would happen if I didn’t leave. I knew something that would make my day a hundred times better would happen if I chose to stay. I didn’t. I knew if I had let that happen, I would only fall deeper and that’s definitely not good for my heart, my soul and mind.

How many times did I have to tear up today? You always have this huge impact on me on Tuesdays why oh why? Calendars make me sad now. Why did September have to pass by so fast? Why did I have to feel this way? Why?

I welcome you to Sensitive Vulnerable Episodes of Ms. Stupid Brave Judith Fe Christina #Nagiinarte


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