ENTRY XLIII | free soul

I hate disappointing my family and friends but I always do anyway. Remember when people said you are what you eat? I guess I literally ate a burger of huge disappointment. I am one but who cares? That’s what I’d want to say but it would sound ruthless and careless towards the feelings of those who care for me and those who are important to me.

I have a lot in mind. I wanna live. I wanna die. I wanna breathe. I want to just stop everything and rest in peace. I want to get drunk. I want to dance. I want to go home late. I want to go out with my family and friends. I want to disregard limits. I don’t want to care. I want to care. I want to love. I want to hug people. I want to kiss people on both cheeks.

I hate rules. I hate limits. I want to mention one line I could still remember until now. I just don’t remember where I read it from but the only limit that exists is what you believe. Somewhat like that.

Again and again.  I’m fucking tired of getting judged. Others get judged for being bad. I get judged for being good. Everyone expects me to know what’s right or wrong. They think what I do is to follow the damn rules like all the time. But dang, I’m just a human being. I’m one free soul. I have stupid goals in life that might mean senseless to someone else. I have stupid tiny goals.

I study because I want to learn but not because it sounds good. I go to school not because I want to look good. I go to school to freaking learn.

To my friend, this is not for you (I know you were concerned for us so don’t feel like this is for you coz I swear it’s not). This is for everyone since high school. This is for everyone who judged my friend in high school for letting me breathe.

I’m not an angel nor a devil. I’m a human being.

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